¶ Upon all suitable occasions may be sung or said the following CONFESSION;--upstanding and uncovered.
WHOSOEVER will be a Sinecurist; before all things it is necessary that he hold a Place of profit.
Which place except every Sinecurist do receive the salary for, and do no service: without doubt it is no Sinecure.
And a Sinecurist's duty is this: that he divide with the Ministry, and be with the Ministry in a Majory.
Neither confounding the Persons: nor dividing with the Opposition.
For there is one Ministry of Old Bags, another of Derry Down TRIANGLE: and another of the Doctor.
But the Ministry of Old Bags, of Derry Down Triangle, and of the Doctor, is all one: the folly equal, the profusion coeternal.
Such as Old Bags is, such is Derry Down Triangle: and such is the Doctor.
Old Bags a Mountebank, Derry Down Triangle a Mountebank: the Doctor a Mountebank.
Old Bags incomprehensible, Derry Down Triangle incomprehensible: the Doctor incomprehensible.
Old Bags a Humbug, Derry Down Triangle a Humbug, and the Doctor a Humbug.
And yet they are not three Humbugs; but one Humbug.
As also they are not three incomprehensibles, nor three Mountebanks, but one Mountebank, and one incomprehensible.
So likewise Old Bags is All-twattle, Derry Down Triangle All-twattle: and the Doctor All-twattle.
And yet they are not three All-twattles: but one All-twattle.
So Old Bags is a Quack, Derry Down Triangle a Quack; and the Doctor is a Quack.
And yet they are not three Quacks: but one Quack.
So likewise Old Bags is a Fool, Derry Down Triangle is a Fool: and the Doctor is a Fool.
And yet not three Fools: but one Fool.
For like as we are compelled by real verity: to acknowledge every Minister by himself to be Quack and Fool.
So are we forbidden by state etiquette: to say there be three Quacks, or three Fools.
Derry Down Triangle is made of none: neither born nor begotten.
Old Bags is of himself alone: a Lawyer bred, a Lord created, by his Father begotten.
The Doctor is of Old Bags, and of Derry Down Triangle: neither made, nor created, nor begotten, but proceeding.
So there is one Old Bags, not three Old Bags: one Derry Down Triangle, not three Triangles; one Doctor, not three Doctors.
And in this Ministry none is afore or after the other: none is greater or less than another.
But the whole three Ministers are co-Charlatans together, and co-tricksters.
So that, in all things, as is aforesaid: the Majority with the Ministry, and the Ministry in the Majority, is to be worshipped.
He therefore that will be a Sinecurist, must thus think of the Ministry.
Furthermore it is necessary to his Sinecure's preservation: that he also believe rightly the mystification of Derry Down Triangle.
For the Sinecurist's right faith is, that he believe and confess: that Derry Down Triangle, the queue of the Ministry of the great man now no more, is now both Minister and Manager.
Minister, first selling the substance of his own country to this: Manager, scattering the substance of this, over all the world;
Perfect Knave and perfect Fool: of unsparing despotic views--on overstrained taxation subsisting;
Equal to Old Bags as touching grave Trickery; and inferior to the Doctor as touching his Mummery.
Who although he be a Knave and Fool, yet he is not two, but one Minister;
One; not by a conversion of the Charlatan into the Minister; but by shooting a more showy Juggler, who wanted, and still wants, to be a Minister.
One altogether, squandering in profusion our substance: by votes of corrupt Majorities.
For as by power of Dupery, and our Money, he makes whom he will his own: so by Intrigue and Cajolery, he is Minister:--
Who to talk for our Salvation, descended to kiss the Nethermost End of Tally-high-ho; and rose again as a giant refreshed;
He ascended into a higher Place, he sitteth at the right hand of the Chair, from whence he shall hear how those who being starved,--'by the Visitation of God,'--became Dead.
At whose nodding all Sinecurists shall rise again and again; and with their voices cry, Aye! Aye! and the Laureate in token of joy, shall mournfully chaunt the most doleful Lay in his Works.
And Coleridge shall have a Jew's Harp, and a Rabbinical Talmud, and a Roman Missal: and Wordsworth shall have a Psalter, and a Primer, and a Reading Easy: and unto Southey's Sackbut shall be duly added: and with Harp, Sackbut and Psaltery, they shall make merry, and discover themselves before Derry Down Triangle, and HUM his most gracious master, whose Kingdom shall have no end.
This is the Sinecurist's duty, from doing more than which except he abstain faithfully, he cannot be a Sinecurist.
¶ Glory be to Old Bags, and to Derry Down Triangle, and to the Doctor.
As it was in the Beginning, is now, and ever shall be, if such things be, without end. Amen.
(Here endeth the Creed or Belief.)